We all know what to do if you’re stuck in a house that’s on fire, how to cross the road or even how to fry an egg – well that last one may not be applicable to all.
The thing that we don’t know is how to survive that weekend camping trip to Blood Lake or that old cottage that your uncle owns. The suggestions below may be that one thing you need to save your life. If not, at least to know how to survive the longest.
- Always remember to pack fresh batteries for all of your electronic devices; especially torch batteries!
- Don’t count on your mobile phone [Cell phone for any Yanks who read this] working in the area. Pack a satellite phone as well. This may not fully work in the dense forest but if you’re not going to uncle’s cabin but to Blood Lake you should be ok. Assuming no-one drills holes in the only boat that you have access to!
- If you see an interesting leather bound book in the cabin do not read it under any circumstance. You never know what may happen. Rips in the space-time continuum, the release of demons from the depths of hell – Is this from the hell that Dante describes? Are they then from the ninth circle as this is how low hell gets or, more likely, the seventh.
- Never, ever have sex with anyone whist on your trip as this is, probably, the fastest way to wind up not getting back home after your trip.
- Don’t do drugs. Smoking seems to be OK as well as having a small glass of wine with the meal. Just make sure it’s not the red that you have just found in the cabin.
- Ignore any strange noises coming from the cellar, the attic or any other room that you are not in. This only tends to leave someone not making it to the next meal.
- When strange things start to occur; don’t split up. If you do have to investigate strange noises. The best advice is don’t! Sometimes you have to. If you do, then go in at least pairs. It’s better if you all go at once.
- If it comes down to a battle for survival then weapons are not far from your mind. This is quite a choice. Do you go for a shotgun, a chainsaw – better, an electric meat slicer – not so good, or a baseball or cricket bat. The last option maybe the best as it doesn’t need any consumables that will run out when you most need it. On the down side, you do have to get quite close to use them.
Evil lives again in 2013!
I’m sure that I’ve missed out some survival tips but you can help by commenting below…
From the producers of the original cult horror classic comes a terrifying new vision set to carve out its place as one of the must-see horror films of the year for both newcomers and genre aficionados alike. Five twenty-something friends become holed up in a remote cabin. When they discover a Book of the Dead, they unwittingly summon up dormant demons living in the nearby woods, which possess the youngsters in succession until only one is left intact to fight for survival.
Evil arrives into UK cinemas From April 18, 2013`
JAMES BOND: "A martini. Shaken, not stirred." from GOLDFINGER