Two weeks ago my life changed forever. I suffered a heart attack at the young age of 42.
Since then I have spent most of the last fourteen days in the heart ward of Blackpool Victoria Hospital. I think the reason for that stay can be put down to me being a touch paranoid about how I felt a couple of days after being discharged. It was good anyway as they discovered that I wasn’t recovering as quickly as I should have been. I had some anomalies in the blood samples that I was providing once every couple of days.
After a week in hospital because one of the tests was cancelled as other people required it as an emergency case. I know how it now feels to be rushed in as an emergency case as well as the person who wants the test but has to be reassigned.
After slowly losing the will to live over the week that I was locked in the ward with no known date on when I would be allowed back into the “real world”, I did a post for this blog – Yes I wasn’t feeling all that good that day. A tunnel was also contemplated but was persuaded against it by one of the pharmacists that came round.
Before I finish this post off with what I wanted to talk about. The thing nobody has realy asked me. How am I feeling – Yes I know you have asked how I am but not how am I feeling. it’s a subtle difference that I will go on about shortly after I get the main reason why I wasn’t enjoying my time on the ward. The below image sums it up perfectly.
What I want to talk about is the state of my mind. How that is coping with the change of circumstances.
I’m not sure where to start with that as I have had highs and incredible lows over the last two weeks. I think I’m still coming to terms with what happened. That mostly on the physical side. Sitting down a lot, trying to relax and such things. That helped with the time in Blackpool. However, that’s not me. I live to be active and doing things not just sitting on my arse doing nowt. This is starting to drive me a little spare.
I know I have people out there who I can talk to but it can be hard to relate to other people with my condition as they tend to be the same age as my parents so it can be hard to understand their worries as they tend to be retired / retiring.
Currently I’m on a high as I’m sitting at home not having to worry about what gloop will appear at the next meal time. have full, speedy, internet as well as my “video” collection to watch. With all that I should keep myself sane enough to get back to work in a revived and different outlook on life.
So basically, I don’t think I have altogether come to what I should feel and the state of my mind. This should all change over the next couple of weeks when I get better and back to the normal day to day running of my life as it was before I had the heart attack.`
WILLIAM 'BILL' MUNNY: "It's a hell of a thing killin' a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have." from UNFORGIVEN